MK5! Someone else
by cupcake21
Summary: The girls decide to up Konata's dad with the teacher O.o
1. Chapter 1

The following is a fictional story based on someone else's intellectual property and therefore it should not be read by… anyone.

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><p>Sojiro Izumi carefully pieced his camera together out of a blue bag in a small patch of grass behind a bush. He was fully decked in all his photography gear, red vest, 72 hour shadow, and fingerless gloves included.<p>

"Come on Araragi-kun get ready they the bell could go off at any second" Sojiro said to his partner in crime, Araragi Kogami (OC)

Araragi was one of Konata's classmates, and had been caught by Sojiro stalking her home from school one day. After that incident they realized they shared a lot of common interests and became quick friends despite the age difference. He had jet black hair and cool sharp eyes. All in all he was very handsome, but waves of creepiness poured from him repelling any and all girls he was interested in.

"I don't know about this Izumi-san… we could get arrested"

"Oh come on its not like we're hurting anyone. Now stop being a sissy and man the digital camera"

Sojiro finished assembling his camera, a big fancy film camera fit for only the greatest of photographers. Araragi picked up the much smaller digital camera and began to adjust the settings.

"I guess so" he muttered. His reluctance was a feint, and he was unable to contain an excited jitter.

"You really look like a criminal!" the boy shouted at the robber look-alike

"Shush… it's about to start."

As soon as he finished that sentence a school bell sounded near by.

"Quick!" the older man commanded in a hushed voice as he leaped into the bush. Araragi followed suit by climbing a near by tree with some kind of bizarre monkey skills.

Sojiro poked the camera lens out of the bush and focused on a wide gap between two concrete walls. His face betrayed nothing but a calm focus. He adjusted the focus on the lens. He wiped the sweat from his brow. He licked his chops.

After about 5 minutes middle school girls began to stream out from behind the walls. The two men had been camped out in front of an all girls' middle school.

A unique fire burning in his chest, Sojiro began to wildly snap away pictures of them from his low vantage point. _Oh she's cute no she's cuter. _With the expert precision of a master lolicon photographer Sojoro captured the bug's eye view of all the cute girls leaving the school.

After the last of the girls left Sojiro withdrew him self from the bush with a decided amount of stealth.

"Did you get any good ones, Araragi-kun?"

"Yeah I got a ton of good shots!" Sojiro's apprentice responded.

"Alright there's a elementary school getting in 10 minutes if we run we can make it"

"Um, middle-schoolers I'm okay with, but elementary-schoolers? That's just sick."

"I don't get it. What's the difference?"

_Did he really just say that? _The young man asked himself.

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><p>"…And 1941 America entered the war" Nanako Kuroi finished writing on the board shortly after she finished speaking.<p>

There was a large chunk of text written on the board and Kuroi stepped away from it to allow her students to copy it into there notes. She quietly observed the class as most of them diligently copied the notes. Her eyes were naturally drawn to the troublemaker in the class, namely Konata Izumi.

Izumi was a lovely young girl, beautiful and full of energy. If Kuroi had to choose who the most intelligent person in the class was it would be Izumi. Even though Izumi rarely applied her self, when she did she could accomplish anything. As sad it was to admit she was Kuroi's only friend, they exchanged games and played online together.

The teacher couldn't help but admire the girl's cute sleeping face. Kuroi moved closer until her she breathed lightly on Konata's ear. "Izumi, Izumi" she whispered seductively into her ear "Konata I have something important to tell you"

"Hmm what is it?" Konata whimpered, still asleep.

"Its just lately I've been thinking" she began softly "maybe you should" she continued "WAKE THE FFFFK UP!"

Konata shot up nearly hitting Kuroi with her head. "Sorry" the class laughed and Konata sank into her seat in shame or maybe laziness.

"Now that you're up, copy down these notes." The teacher retreated to the front of the classroom and waited a little extra before erasing the chalk board to let Izumi catch up. _Strict yet kind. _She remarked remembering a recent teacher education lecture she went to.

She finished writing the next chunk of notes on the board. She quietly stepped way as she always did. Her eyes once again fell on to Konata, who was busy scrabbling something into her notebook.

Kuroi decided to make sure she was indeed taking notes. She strolled across the room and stood beside Konata's desk. On the top of the note book page it said 'World war II notes' writing big and dark horizontally. The rest of the page was filled with a picture of Konata sleeping on her desk that she had doodled. Konata, who had not noticed her teacher's presence, continued her drawling. Kuroi watched as the girl was putting the finishing touches on an angry Kuroi head.

Kuroi moved so her shadow would fall upon Konata's paper. Konata, realizing her teacher's presents, slowly turned to face Kuroi her face full of shock and fear.

The teacher struck the girl lightly on the head and returned to the front of the class room to continue the lesson. "Izumi come see me after class"

The students left the class room their bags filled with homework sadistically forced upon them by their teacher. Konata reluctantly walked over to Kuroi's desk.

"I know how smart you are Izumi, if only you tried. You could do anything" Kuroi sighed. She held out a bunch of white paper to Konata "here are the notes from today, its not enough just reading the text book."

"Huh? Aren't you angry, why are you being so nice?" Konata said as she received the papers.

_Why am I being so nice? _She thought. _Because you're my friend, because I don't want you to forget me, because I… "_Because I'm your teacher" she finally said

LINE

Sojiro and Araragi had just returned to the Izumi residence from their "outing" looking roughed up.

"Ah, I can't wait to get these developed!" Sojiro declared spinning around in his office chair like a child.

"What are we going to do with all these pictures?" Araragi asked, looking through the pictures on his camera.

"What do you mean? Isn't it obvious?"

Araragi reacted in horror "You don't mean your going to…"

"What? No of course not! Its research for my new book, it's about a younger girl." Sojiro explained. "I have to know how they walk, how they hold them selfs, what they worry about, et cetera"

"You can tell all that from these photos?"

"Mostly yeah"

"I just thought you were just a pervert."

"A stalker like you shouldn't be calling people perverts" Sojiro responded bitterly as he snatched away Araragi's camera.

Sojiro uploaded the pictures Araragi took on to his computer. When the upload was at 90 percent, the sound of the front door opening hit his ears. After telling Araragi to stay hidden, Sojiro went down stairs to greet his daughter returning home.

"I told you it's not cosplay!" the voice of the Konata's friend Kagami split the air

"Oh, there you are dad. Sorry I didn't tell you, but Kagami and Tsukasa are staying over tonight" His daughter explained

"I don't mind just try to tell me next time." He said in a kind voice "Welco…" as he turned to greet the guests his mind froze. His teeth chattered with excitement, forcing him to cover his mouth with his hand. Sojiro now wore an expression that would strike fear into even the most boyish school girl.

"Um, what's wrong with him?" Tsukasa asked timidly hiding behind her sister, Kagami.

"That's why I told you not to cosplay as shrine maidens" Konata sighed "Now you've gotten him all excited. This is like the classic, 'two shrine maidens taking care of you' scenario" Tsukasa's and Kagami's became filled with fear.

_Not good I have to get Tsukasa away from him!_

"Sorry for intruding!" the older twin shouted as they sprinted for Konata's room dragging the younger twin firmly by the hand.

"Dad, try not to creep out my friends too much." Konata said as she hugged her dad. He relished in his daughter's affection for a moment before Konata ran of into her room after her friends.

"Oooo, shrine maidens!" Araragi said as he popped his head out of a vent on the ceiling a vent that shouldn't even existed "Awesome"

"Get down from there!" Sojiro commanded "What are you, a monkey?"

Araragi dropped down to the floor "Neh, lets eavesdrop on them!"

"No I'll eavesdrop on them and you'll leave; I'm tired of you crawling on the ceilings, please leave" Sojiro wanted to make sure his apprentice and daughter were never in the same building.

Araragi sighed and left though the front door. _Why so cruel, Sojiro?_

Moments later Sojiro pressed a glass cup to Konata's door, an act he was not proud of but indulged in it all the same.

"Yeah it's so stinky!" _what is? _The mystery continues

"So did you hear? That serial molester is still on the loose." _That sounds like Kagami_

"Yeah I heard, I just hope it doesn't turn out to be my dad." It was Konata this time. _Konata, how could you say that? Why would I molest strangers when I have all these cute school girls LIVING in my house? _

"Oh, Kona-chan you shouldn't say that about your father" _ah, Tsukasa is such a sweet girl! _

"I don't know, remember how he freaked out about our shrine maiden uniforms, I agree with Konata on this one, it could be him" Sojiro bared his teeth. _I'm not sure I like that one. _

"Oh, yeah that reminds me, don't you girls think it's kind of sad that Kuroi-sensei is still single." _Who?_

"Yeah its kind of a shame, she's so pretty too" _She's pretty, huh?_

"Are you thinking what I'm thinking?"

"Oh, I know, since we already ate, the same thing you're always thinking, lets try to take over the world!" _That's a pretty obscure reference Konata. _

"What? No I was thinking maybe we should try to set up Kuroi with you dad, they're around the same age right" Kagami hesitated "or maybe not"

"No that's a good idea, I'm sure dads pretty desperate… as you can probably tell he can't really get dates on his own" I_ can't believe she talks about me like that, how cruel. _

"But is he over your mom…" A sudden gloomy atmosphere gripped the room beyond the door. _Even though it's been so long I'm not sure my self *tear._

"I don't think you ever get over something like that, but you have to move on anyway. We should at least try, it could be interesting."There was a strength in Konata's voice. "Let's change the subject. Know when you're writing fan fiction, and you try to make a new couple and you're like 'whoa this is so unique' but then you end up feeling bad that you broke up the couples everyone else writes about to make it"

"Yeah I know what you mean like I tried to make [bleep] X [bleep] fanfic once but then I ended up feeling sorry for [bleep]" I_ don't recognize that those names_

"That's a horrible couple Kagami, you should be ashamed!"

"Shut up, sorry my ideas suck; you're the one who brought it up."

"What's a 'fanfic'"

long silence

"Wedding dress or Kimono?"

"Haven't we had this conversation a dozen times?"

"It's fine we're girls after all"

"Whatever, I have to go with a Kimono my family is pretty traditional."

"I would want a wedding dress. I just think their really pretty"

"Konata is too short to wear either" Kagami's laugh pierced through the door.

"Yeah I'd go with the Kimono like Kagami…"

_It's not like they're going to start making out or something. _

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><p>"Speaking of marriage and stuff lets practice kissing on each other" Konata declared waving here hands in the air<p>

"What? No way" Kagami retorted immediately her face turning pink.

"I wouldn't mind" Tsukasa said. Kagami looked at her a moment shocked by her sister's betrayal.

"Alright! Come here Tsukasa lets make out!" Konata cheered and then crawled over to her willing prey. Just as their lips were about to meet Kagami interrupted them.

"Stop!" Kagami shouted her face now solid red with both anger and embarrassment. With the other girls at her attention she began to speak. "um… I" Her previous angry suddenly disappeared and was replaced by a profound shyness. "I… I want Konata to kiss me first"

"All you had to do was ask Kagamin~" Konata said as she broke away from Tsukasa and slithered across the floor towards Kagami.

"Konata, I don't want to practice. I want it to be for real. The truth is I… I've always…" Konata pressed her finger to her friend's lips.

"I know, I've always known" Konata pushed Kagami on to her back. Tsukasa looked on her face turning red seeing the scene unfold before her. Konata gently pressed her lips against the Kagami's and began to disrobe her from her shrine maiden uniform. "Tsukasa, you're free to watch if, but I'd be a lot more fun if you joined us" Konata invited. Kagami arched her back in…

_Whoa, whoa that's going a little too far. _Sojiro waved away the fantasy, certain it was unhealthy to imagine ones own daughter in such a way. Sojiro continued his retreat from Konata's door to his Office room.

He managed to get though the first chapter of his new story, though it would have to be rewritten. _I'm getting tired_. A quick glance at the bottom right hand corner of his computer monitor confirmed his suspicions. The man got up began his blind journey through the dark hallway.

He slipped into bed and waited for sleep to come. As he waited tears began to well up behind his eyes and his breath came in soft sobs. "Why did it have to be a bad memory?" the man asked himself in anguish.

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><p>"Konata's not on" Kuroi commented to herself a little disappointed.<p>

_Cupcake21: what's wrong you're falling behind._

_Nakokon: Konakona isn't on_

_Cupcake21: yeah its not the same with out him_

Kuroi sighed and logged off the game

_Cupcake21: Wait! What are you doing! _The level 52 warrior screamed in panic as he was overwhelmed by the monsters he was pulling.

The lonely teacher was the keystone in a 50 man raid, but she didn't care. Another Friday night alone didn't sound so appealing to her.

"Wait Konata isn't my only friend, I still go Yui" _even though she's Konata's cousin. _With that sudden outburst Nanako decided to call her long time "friend"

ring ring ring

"Hello, Narumi-chan" _she's younger than, right? _Nanako was not one for phone formalities

"Oh hello Kuroi-san, did you want something"

"Yeah we should go drinking tonight or something"

"Sorry but my husband is here tonight so I'm going to have spend time with him" _oh her husband_

"Wait your married!"

"Yes"

"Oh the betrayal!" Although it was just Kuroi's misunderstanding, she felt that Yui had been somehow lying to her. She hung up the phone. Now Despondent, Kuroi reluctantly decided to go to the nearest western style bar and drink… by herself…again.

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><p>Oh a new story about a new idea. Its magic I feel rather proud that I came up with this idea as, as far as I know, no one has ever written about it yet. If you hadn't picked up on it yet the girls are going to try and set up Sojiro and Nanako, how exciting!<p> 


	2. Chapter 2

This one is a bit shorter... i'll continue work on the third chapter. Might be different from the others sense i wrote these first 2 a while ago.

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><p>Sojiro had many dreams when he slept. His dreams were divided in to three separate categories: as an otaku he often dreamt about the anime, manga, and video games he had played recently, as a widower he dreamed about an alternate reality where his love never died, and as a man he dreamed about sex. More often, he dreamed a mixture of the three.<p>

The middle-age man woke and sighed in disappointment as he saw the clock.

It read _7:30, _yet another sign of his growing elderly status.

The girls would not wake for several hours leaving Sojiro to lazing around the house. It was much to early to do actual work.

"_Dad, please close the bathroom door, especially when we have guests."_ Konata had said this countless times before, but Sojiro would forget… Poor Tsukasa it takes some time to get over something like that.

With the girls at last awakened by Tsukasa's terrified screams, Sojiro prepared a nice western style breakfast for his daughter and her friends.

"All that screaming must have made you hungry, right Tsukasa?" asked wearing her traditional catlike smile

"Yeah" Tsukasa replied blushing slightly.

"And I know Kagami is always hungry!"

"Shut up! I am not always hungry." Kagami snaped

"Calm down I'm just teasing you" Konata conceded "That reminds me I had a dream about you Kagamin~ you ate to much and I had to take care of you."

Sojiro wasn't paying attention. He was crying tears of joy. _Three school girls, its like a dream. _Without thinking he said "I had a dream about Kagami too." _Oh no._

"What was it about" the younger twin asked innocently, ignorantly, tragically.

"…eh…um, I don't remember." Sojiro replied, beads of sweat appearing on his forehead.

"Knowing you it was probably something perverted" Konata chuckled, much to the horror of everyone else sitting around the table.

"…"

"…."

"Thanks for the food" Kagami said and once again took her sister and fled from Sojiro.

Konata was holding in spasms of hysterical laughter. "Are you trying to scar my friends for life?" Sojiro hung his head in shame. "oh right this reminds me. I have something important to tell you" suddenly Konata's voice took a shy tone.

_Something important? Oh no she's going to tell me she's a lesbian. Where have I failed? No wait, this is a good thing. This means no sicko guy will ever lay his hands on her. _"What is it honey?"

"How would you like to go on a blind date?" - "I accept you no matter what life style you choose!"

"Huh?" - "Huh?"

"I'm going to ignore that…. anyways remember you were talking about remarrying a few months ago?" Konata asked

"Oh yeah I did didn't I?"

"So I got this lonely teacher who just might be desperate enough to go for you."

_Lonely teacher? That doesn't sound good. _"Listen Konata, I might have said that, but to be honest I just wanted to see your reaction."

"What? You just wanted to see my reaction? Oh daddy, how cruel, you would lie to your own daughter? Boo hoo"

"Don't cry Konata! I'll go." Konata turned away from Sojiro and revealed the v for victory sign to an invisible camera. Sojiro quietly wondered if she knew he could see her.

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><p>07:38. Nanako dreamt that she was franticly searching headache medication. She awoke and immediately began searching for her headache medication finding it much easier to locate in real life. She drank a glass of water. Her crushing hangover slowly beginning to dissipate, she returned to bed.<p>

13:00. Nanako finally awakened and began to piece the scattered drunken memories of last night together. A note lay on her nightstand. The handwriting was a disaster, the kind of handwriting that could only belong to a doctor.

"Kuroi-san please don't drink so much it's bad for your health. Drink plenty of water and eat breakfast. Don't worry I didn't take advantage of you. I'm not that kind of guy. Phone number is R#$#%$%T%$%

The phone number was illegible. "figures" kuroi mumbled

There was school tomorrow and tests to grade so the rest of Nanako's weekend melted away into mediocrity.

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><p>There was a note in kuroi's desk at school. A pink letter written in neet-ish hand writing that someone had gone through great trouble to make pretty and cute. It was adorn with hearts and purple ink. It was signed by Konata. Kuroi's heart began to race. <em>What should I do? <em>The obvious answer was to actually read the letter and realize that it wasn't a love letter, but she hadn't thought of that. All day she pondered the pros and cons of becoming a lesbian pedophile.

Konata approached her after school. "Did you get my letter?" Konata asked sheepishly.

"Yes Konata I did, but you're a student and I'm a teacher it won't work out between us."

"Why does everyone think I'm a lesbian?" Konata demanded. "I was trying to set you up with my dad"

"Your dad?" _what did he look like again?_

"Yes, Sojiro Izumi, is his name."


End file.
